If You Don't Plan, You Won't Go

For your own mental health you must go away somewhere on a regular basis. But, if you don't plan, you won't go. Oh, I know, you can't go because of the kids, you don't have the money and your schedule is too full . . . that's a bunch of nonsense. Going away is not optional, it's mandatory.

If you would plan to go, you would find a trusted relative or friend who would trade the chore of taking care of your kids if you choose to go away without them. You would find the money to go even if it was just a tank of gas day-trip to a nowhere adventure (sometimes these can be the best kinds). There is no alternative, you have to go.

You probably don't realize what a hectic pace you keep until you go away and then try to gear up again when you return. You know, when they put you in that hole in the ground you don't come back. Not even for weekends. Don't get me wrong, Heaven is my home but I'm not homesick yet.

Well, you'll argue, there's this problem of my husband or wife, who never wants to go anywhere. If so, then it's time to sit down and negotiate some time away. If your spouse says it's not the money, it's probably the money. Other times, some people are just homebodies. If they still won't go, consider taking separate vacations. You go away alone (or with a friend or relative) and your spouse can stay home. But don't be too suprised if you find that at the last minute the don't-go-won't-go person shows some interest in going. If he or she doesn't, however, then you go anyway. Bon Voyage!

Negotiating time also needs to be spent with the person who always plans or influences where you are going to go, based on his or her golf, fishing, tennis, relatives, bed & breakfast, shopping or other hobby and self-centered interests.

You're going to be dead a l-o-n-g time. The Bible says be packed and ready to go at all times because you never know when you're going (you have noticed this, haven't you). Why not start enjoying what you have now before the long dirt nap? You deserve an adventure!

The time isn't right? Well, the time never seems to be right, does it? Just plan it and go do it. And if you start to plan to go, put the date on the calendar so you can anticipate what's a comin'. The great thing about getting away is the anticipation of going and the memories after. The only way to see and feel how you fit into this world is to get out and travel.

Many go away with a hidden agenda to work out pent up problems in their relationships that they haven't had the time, skills or participation from their partner to resolve. This has ruined many a trip when it has been sprung on the unsuspecting partner.

Ann was finally getting to go on a vacation to Acapulco with Tom. After two children and unresolved issues, she stated this was his last chance. He didn't have a clue. If they couldn't work out their problems it was over. Nothing had changed except they were going on vacation.

If you are planning on trying to use your vacation to fix your relationship, you are going for the wrong reasons. If you can't work it out before you go or agree that this will be the time to do it, leave this baggage at home.

Don't just plan one trip. Get into the habit of planning and going. Just lock in the dates on the calendar and watch what happens. Adopt the philosophy that if you're not on a trip, you're planning the next one.

- Eighty-six percent of parents said a vacation with the kids is more "fun" than "drudgery."

- Women are much more ready to go away without the kids or hubby.

- Over half of the travelers preferred active sightseeing vacations over sedentary ones.

So, where are you going? Some people get stuck in a rut as to where to go to get away. They end up going to the same old theme parks they have been to before. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. My friend Dennis and his family have been to Disneyland umpteen times. In desperation they end up going because they won't plan and venture out to the full spectrum of opportunities available for places to go. They charge down Highway 5 for the six-plus hours drive on a Friday, endure the long lines, heat and smog, and drag home on Sunday frustrated and exhausted. They end up amazed at what has happened: as educated and intelligent people, they have been foolish enough to have done the same vacation again. Dennis told me recently that they had booked a new vacation this year. Where do you think they are going? Disney World -- in August. No heat, humidity, or crowds then!

So where do you want to go? There are plays, musicals, fairs, festivals, and special season events everywhere.

Every community seems to have an annual entertainment book that is sold by Little League, soccer teams, school bands and church organizations. They offer two meals for the price of one at numerous restaurants and discounts on everything from rental cars to dance lessons. They are an excellent investment that can be used for creative dating or just to get you out to get the smell of the city blown off of you.

The Sunday papers are full of ideas world-wide or right in your area. One recent section I saw was dedicated to Summer By the Bay. This showed upcoming events in cities of the San Francisco area. Another article was on how to travel like a tightwad. A revised touring production of "Bye Bye Birdie" was sold out in San Francisco. But by checking the Sunday entertainment section, we saw that they were adding a matinee. A quick call produced Second Row Center seats for a great afternoon of the revised classic followed by dinner in the city.

Everyone loves a bargain. Depending on how hard you want to work for a trip that will fit your travel budget will determine what you'll end up with. Some people don't need a bargain. They can afford to just go if they would only plan a vacation . . . and follow through and take it.

If you can pretend you have gone away (although you're still at home), you can expand your horizons at home. Think about it. When you're on a trip you are more laid back, in better spirits. As a tourist, you just take off to explore museums, hang out with the Romans at the cafes, check out night life and take long walks. It's all a change of attitude. You can adopt this same changed attitude at home. With it you can meet new friends, take in events, try new restaurants and places to visit.

It might be as much fun and as easy as finding out why people come to your area to vacation. There are probably a number of places you have never been to in your own back yard. Go to hotels in your area and pick up travel brochures of those sightseeing things to do right in your home town. If there is a tour available, take it. You could find out a lot of what you didn't know about your locale.

There is camping or renting a camping trailer.

You don't need to own a recreational vehicle where you have to pay the insurance, storage and installments all year. You can rent one to take the whole family away, including the dog. We took an RV trip up the Redwood Highway in California, along the rugged Oregon Coast into beautiful Washington State. There we went by ferry to Victoria, British Columbia, the Butchart Gardens and back into Vancouver, Canada. We stopped when and where we wanted to accommodate our schedule and interests.

"Go First Class once in awhile . . . because your heirs will."

Amtrac has some great travel packages. Our family went from San Jose, California to San Luis Obispo by train on a weekend package that included a room and a first class tour of Hearst Castle.

There is an over abundance of hotel rooms and suites available nationwide or within easy driving distance from your home. These bargains can provide a great getaway. Many offer weekend specials that extend a weekend into Monday. A weekend getaway was the #1 way to show romance for women on a Roper survey. In order to obtain your best deal follow these simple rules:

1. Don't call on the 800 reservation number. Call direct to the hotel you want to stay at during the day when the"A" team is on. The Day Manager and crew know the current best deal.

2. The standard rate for a room is called the rack rate. Many don't pay this price and neither should you. Don't settle for a miserly 5% or 10% off. If they say the room is $175, say, "I was thinking about $90. What can you do for me?"

3. Be as flexible as possible about the date. This allows you to take advantage of up to 50% off and/or a second night free.

4. Ask what the corporate rate is. Yes, your life experience entitles you to the corporate rate. Your last name is your corporation. They won't ask when you arrive to verify your corporation. The corporate rate might not be your best rate, though. Ask about specials. Recently I called a hotel to reserve a night at an airport before a trip. I was given the standard rate. I asked for and was quoted the corporate rate. I asked if that was their best rate. She said, "That's our corporate rate." "Yes, but is that your best rate?" A pause at the other end, then, "No, our best rate is $20.00 less."

5. Ask if anything else comes with the room. In the above situation, the room came with a full breakfast, free parking while we were gone for two weeks, and a shuttle to the airport.

6. Ask if there are any specials being offered. When we were going on a college tour with our son Stu, one of our stops was going to be in Santa Barbara. I had made a reservation at a modest motel, but on a lark I called the Santa Barbara Biltmore (a place we stayed on a previous trip). I asked what the rate was and was quoted $190-250 per night. I asked, "Is there a Sunday night special?" "One moment, I'll check." She came back on the line and said, "Why, yes, there is. It's $90.00." Sold. When we arrived they put us in a large front unit like a suite. They even brought in an exercise rowing machine for our son.

When you ask if there are any specials, the reservation person might not have one, but once they check the occupancy rate and see that it's too low, all of a sudden there is a new special rate for you. If you don't get any satisfaction, ask for the supervisor or manager. Whenever you obtain a special rate, get the person's first and last name who agreed to your deal. When you arrive at the hotel, ask if there are any additional specials that have occurred since you made your reservation.

This proved valuable for us on a stay at the fabulous Willard Hotel in Washington, DC. We had booked a great weekend special. But, we also wanted to stay there Monday night. We went all the way to the Manager without getting anyone to budge on the standard rate for the Monday stay. When we arrived at the Willard, Harriet went in to register while I was taking care of the car and luggage. Harriet just asked, "Now, what is the rate going to be for Monday?"

The reply was, "Oh, we have just added a summer extravaganza." The rate was fifty percent off the rate we were quoted for Monday night. And only $5.00 more than the weekend nightly special. Ask and ye shall receive.

We called a hotel in San Francisco during the Christmas season and asked if they had a Christmas shoppers' special. You know, they did. The rate was $80 off. The stores in this Union Square location also had a special of wrapping your presents and delivering them back to your room. The royal treatment. What a country.

Did you know hotels have a day rate? Most do. It's usually used by business people to freshen up and rest during a travel and business schedule. You can use this day rate too. Be sure to bargain for the best rate.

We've been known to go on a mini escape to the five star Clift Hotel in San Francisco on the day rate. We go to lunch, back to the room for a nap, then conversation, champagne, a little romance, showers, get dressed for dinner and out of the room by about 6 p.m. (this time can be flexible) for less than half of the regular discounted room rate. After dinner in the City we go home refreshed. This is really creative dating.

Discount Travel Clubs and Tourist Bureaus

It's sometimes possible to get a travel package for the price of the airfare alone. Many tourist bureaus, travel agents and travel clubs offer these bargains. Be sure to secure these trips with a credit card to protect your investment on your trip if a problem arises with the travel agency. In addition to having a Cracker Jack travel Agent, we belong to Encore Travel Club (1-800 638-0930). We have an 800 number that keeps us informed on what is available for cruises, airfares, hotels, tour packages and specials. We also have an international listing of hotels and villas that offer discounts, with some offering the second and seventh night free. Vacations To Go in Houston, at 1-800 338-4962, offers similar service.

Most airlines have internet web sites with last minute discounts for business travelers or vacation travel locations. Here are a few web site addresses (URL's):

www.Americanair.com - Recent fare Chicago-Los Angeles for $189.00

www.bestfares.com - The site features hidden travel deals.

www.travelweb.com -Travelweb features click-it weekend deals.

When we visited our son Stuart at college, we stayed at a Residence Inn for $30 off the discount rate.

There are several cruises offering last minute getaway cruises. You might find yourself being whisked off on a bargain cruise and being upgraded on your cabin in the process. And about cruises - they are not for the overfed, newly wed, and nearly dead anymore. Carnival Cruise Lines claims 70% of their passengers are under age 55. You don't need that extensive, expensive wardrobe anymore. You can dress as elaborately as you like, but it's not mandatory. Cruises can offer the convenience of being on an air conditioned hotel to far away ports of call where you only unpack once. They have family packages to keep everyone interested. With more and larger cruise ships coming on line, fly-cruise packages will remain low in price. Most cruise lines will even match up singles. Many ships have escorts to dance, play cards, and comfort older single passengers. Don't expect the Love Boat. The last cruise we were on there were six single women to each man. One thing you will find out by taking a cruise, more suicides are committed with a knife and a fork than any other weapon. The food is fabulous! The chefs will prepare any special meals you prefer.

Our first cruise was to the Caribbean. The change to an instant rich diet upset my system. This, combined with the humid climate, produced a chafed area bottomside. I went through our vanity case and found a jar of Vitamin E lotion. I applied it to the affected area that afternoon and evening without improvement. After a shower the next morning, I began to apply another treatment, but Harriet saw me and yelled, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm applying this Vitamin E lotion where I hurt."

She said, "That's not Vitamin E lotion, that's Woolite. I brought it to wash things in the sink."

Try not to get caught up in the frenzy of non-stop activities on any trip. Many people who travel think, well, we've paid the money and I'm going to get as much out of this trip as I can. (I know a guy who set his alarm clock on a cruise so he could get up and take advantage of the midnight buffet.) They become the kamikaze travelers on jet lag. They get to a point where they need a vacation from the vacation. Some people come back from a trip exhausted. Aren't you going away to relax?

You know that long list you make up of things to do or see that everyone tells you about when you're planning your trip? (They all have been there and are instant experts.) Well, just before you get on the plane, throw it away. You'll never be able to do all those things.

Here's a good rule of thumb for packing for a trip. Just before you leave take out half the clothes and take twice as much money. It will work out just about right. My brother and his wife were going away alone on their first vacation to Hawaii for seven days. They were taking five suitcases. Yes, five trunks. They had sweaters, coats and first aid supplies. They looked like they were going on a three month safari. It's a rule with us that if you want to bring it, you get to carry it.

On a family trip to Hawaii (big mistake in taking your kids to Hawaii, because every time you want to go again, so do they) as we were loading up to head for the airport, our eldest son Rob said, "Well, I guess it's time to go pack." He was serious. In less than five minutes he was ready. He said, "What do you need anyway for Hawaii: two pairs of shorts, a couple of tops and sandals." (He really took more.)

Don't worry about what you might forget to bring. Just buy it there.

We feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to expose our children to traveling. We feel it has enriched their lives. On a family trip to the Garden Isle of Kauai, Hawaii, our son Rob invited his darling Nancy. They hiked back along the Napali Coast to a secluded waterfall where he asked her to marry him. They feel they now have a special place in this world to return to someday. The acorn doesn't fall too far from the tree.

There are trips with customized options, were you can have-it-your-way vacation trips with pre-set prices. These mass-customizations are fast, flexible, and affordable. Hyatt Resorts and others are offering exclusive inclusive packages that allow a couple to vary the plans for the same price. He can do the spa while she does tennis, golf, or horseback riding. There are complete one-set-price packages at dude ranches that give families full options together or supervised children's activities so Mom and Dad can ride off alone for awhile. This is not like the brochure for the movie "City Slickers." You don't have the hassle of making all the plans here. You just show up for horseback rides, river rafting, square dancing, hayrides, fishing or do nothing but relax by the pool, and eat chuck wagon good grub. We spent many good times, and have fond memories of when our kids were growing up at the *M-BAR-J Guest Ranch in the Sierra foothills east of Fresno at Badger, California (phone 209-337-2513). We felt like family with Archie and Bunny at this quasi-rustic working ranch.

"Sit loosely in the saddle of life." Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

We took a "Taulk" fall colors tour through the New England states. This was a no nametag, open menu leisure trip. The all-inclusive trip wasn't just the brilliant colors, it was the history. Starting in Boston (yes, we went to Cheers), we were at the North Church where the signal "One if by land and two if by sea" was sent. Next, we were on the road with Paul Revere to Lexington where the shot was fired that was heard around the world. Then to Concord and Walden Pond. Things we had read about all our lives came to life. These were exciting and emotional times.

And don't feel that just because you haven't planned, you don't have anywhere to go except that same old theme park at the last minute. Even the hot spots could have a room at the Inn, maybe at a discount because they're not full at this late date. Just pick up the phone and call instead of lying out in the wading pool depressed in the backyard. Don't forget to bargain. Delta Airlines has cut-rate bargains you can book to Hawaii, Mexico and the Caribbean Islands up to 48 hours prior to departure with no higher rate penalties for airfare and room. Call Delta at (800) 872-7786.

Delta, and other airlines also have fly/drive packages where it would be too far to drive. One destination is Branson, MO, the country music center.

If you are too busy, try calling a consolidator. They buy blocks of rooms and airline bookings at a discount and pass on big savings to you. By calling (800) 96-Hotel you can get a $190 room in San Francisco for $89 a night. For a complete package at Disneyland/Disneyworld call (800) 511-5321.

There are travel packages for singles, there is a growing market for parents traveling with the adult chilldren, and the flourishing women only journeys. Try Smart Woman Traveler (800) 250-8428 or Maiden Voyages at (800) 528-8425.

"Men tend to be much more destination oriented. 'Get there, do that, get back.' Women want to mosey along and digest the place."

Mary Clark, Smart Woman Traveler. By mid-August many travel destinations, especially London and Europe, and most airlines offer cheap discounts if seats haven't been reserved. They would rather book a discount then go empty.

Whatever you have an interest in doing on a getaway or vacation, just plan it, follow through with it and go. Be prepared to surrender, especially if your luggage gets lost, your room isn't what you expected or is not ready when you arrive. On a trip to Waikiki I was upset because our room wasn't ready at check in time or half an hour later when we checked in again. That was, until I found out they were upgrading us to a suite with a panoramic view of Waikiki Beach and Diamond Head smack dab out our window. Well, okay then! We didn't want to leave the room. Sometimes our luck turns out to be better than the best laid plans.

Friends

Go on a small outing first before planning a large vacation with friends or relatives, especially if they're bringing their kids. Otherwise you might ruin a good friendship by going together. People have

such varied interests and desires that it is difficult to coordinate who wants to see and do what, much less where are we going to eat? Isn't half the fun of going away meeting new friends and just relaxing by yourselves? If you just have to go together, book separate rooms for sure. A second car (for the kids, too) could free up everyone's schedule.

NUGGET: If you don't plan, you won't go. Don't just plan the trips. You must also follow through and go on them. Plan more than one trip at a time. Put the planned trip on the calendar to anticipate what's-a-comin'.

HOW: Invest a little time to find the right trips and adventures that will interest you and fit into your budget. Newspaper Travel sections and USA Today will keep you current on airline fares and available trips. Get a Cracker Jack travel agent on your team.

Personal Experience

by Gary

I was supposed to take my sons (I'm divorced) on a trip to Disneyland. The plans suddenly changed and I needed to leave the next day. A quick check with a travel agent produced airline costs that would have cancelled the trip. I called Southwest Airlines (they're not in the travel agents' reservation system). Not only did I get the best airfare, I got a free ticket for one of my boys on a special offer. How about a car? I called Dollar Rental Car about their advertised special and got an up-grade because I was flying with Southwest Airlines. Where do we stay? I called a hotel where we stayed before. Once I was quoted the rack rate I followed the procedures to get my best rate. By the time we ended, I got the room for $69.00 including a full breakfast.

 Personal Experience

by Dennis

I was a bit discouraged that I hadn't planned enough in advance to take my family to Monterey/Carmel, California for the weekend. I called a few places including where we had stayed before, but they were all full. Then I called Resort To Me at 1-408-646-9250. I was surprised to find out that they had several options available. We decided on a special at Carmel Valley Ranch. It would be $165.00 for the five of us for the weekend. This included tennis, swimming, and optional golf and horseback riding.

Nancy's Trip

Nancy came to me, torn over the decision and pressuring herself to bring at least one of the boys if she did go. She asked me, "What should I do?" I said, "Ruuuunnnnn, Nancy! Rob has the time off and I'll help him while you're gone. Go!"

Nancy spent a relaxing week touring between relatives in a part of the country she had never seen. It was spring. The dogwood was in bloom. They fed her real well. Did she feel guilty? Yes, at first. She got over it quickly. She deserved this trip. Nancy is glad she went, because she got a chance to know one of the relatives who has since passed away.

Boy, was it hard work taking care of a toddler and a preschooler! It never ended. I now have a greater respect for mothers. Rob has a whole different appreciation for his wife, as does Nancy for her husband.

After I told this story at a mothers club presentation, I got this note: "My aunt has invited me to go on a cruise this summer. I've felt guilty just thinking about going, even though my husband said it's OK. Now I know I'm going. Signed--- Bon Voyage, Joyce."

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The above is from the book "Fire Up Your Communication Skills" (ISBN 09657620-6- 8) by Fire "Captain Bob" Smith.  He is a recognized expert and speaker/author on stress, communication and relationship skills. He is a humorist, coach, entrepreneur and frequent talk show guest. He also produces customized presentations for career and personal growth. To book him as a speaker, ask him any questions, or get a copy of his book and tapes call (888) 238-3959. e-mail: captbob@verio.com. WebPage: http://www.eatstress.com.