Are you one of those people who can never relax? Are you the kind who can never take time to plan a trip for yourself just to have fun? Some people have never acquired the tool of relaxation. They often make their job their hobby. They are driven people working non-stop toward an unknown goal and reward. They are so entrenched in how and why they do things, they are really surprised why others just can't do things their way. If they are not working or busy doing some organized project, they get anxious and/or depressed and all kinds of other weird feelings start surfacing.
These people are admired, revered, envied and rewarded by others because of how much they accomplish. They never miss a committee meeting or business function. What may be disguised here could be collateral damage both to the family and to the driven person. Driven individuals are loaded with impatient, unrealistic expectations of themselves and others that they may never achieve. When they fall short of "their" goals, they can't find a big enough club to beat themselves with. Jokingly, some people think these folks were just toilet trained too early.
These people not only have a plan, they have two or more back-up plans that they project way down the road. Seldom are the makings of these plans ever used. This is magical thinking. It's just a lot of wasted mental energy. This obsession is progressive. It doesn't get better, only worse.
"Your mind can sometimes be like a dangerous neighborhood. You shouldn't go in there alone!"
These are the people who could be suffering from acute seriousity (always too serious about everything). These people could be the house sergeant or stupidvisor at home, trying to micro-manage their relationship by becoming a control freak or the resident Nazi at work. They are so serious and driven, there is seldom any fun in their lives.
One way to withdraw from this compulsion is to begin approaching and processing objectives differently. Start delegating more. This is difficult for a driven individual because he or she tends not to trust anyone with the delegation of the project. But you must attempt to delegate more and more work and the responsibility that goes along with it.
What do you think would happen if suddenly you dropped dead? You might be surprised to find out that the things you were so driven to do and thought nobody could tackle were picked right up and handled by those around you whom you wouldn't delegate to. And they would probably do a better job because of the additional talent involved.
A more rational way to work would be to treat projects like Swiss cheese. Don't go at each project like a flame thrower. Slice off a task at a time, complete that task, inject some time off, and then return to slice another task to work on.
It's OK to slow down and acquire the tool to start enjoying your life. If you don't, someone else will enjoy it on your inheritance or your insurance money. If you don't believe that, go on a cruise. You'll see a lot of folks who waited and saved too long to start enjoying their lives. Many are now in poor health and are cheated out of what they could have had. Some don't make it at all to the cruise. You might see mom on the insurance money with her sister.
Have you tried to rationalize to yourself that this is not like you? This is magical thinking. Magical thinking is like being in the Land of Oz. You don't want to look behind the curtain. Just ask your doctor, spouse, relative or friend. These people will tell you if you qualify. And please answer these questions:
- Do you take your briefcase, laptop, pager, cell phone, or any other work when you go away?
- Do you take self-improvement reading material on vacation under the guise that it will improve your life?
- Do you check the red answer message light on the phone first thing when you return to your hotel room?
- Are you in a hurry to call home to check the phone message machine, the voice mail at work, or down-load your E-mail from anywhere in the universe?
- Do you work more than 47 hours per week?
- Does your employer or secretary always know how to contact you when you're on vacation?
Have you answered yes to any of these? If so, you are probably an associate member of this club.
If you want to enjoy life more, take a bigger bite.
Fire "Captain Bob" Smith is a recognized expert and speaker on stress, communication and relationship skills. He is the author of "Fire Up Your Communication Skills" ISBN 09657620-6- 8, a humorist, coach, entrepreneur and frequent talk show guest. He also produces customized presentations for career and personal growth. "Captain Bob is a regular keynote presenter for corporations and national associations across North America. To book him as a speaker, ask him any questions, or get a copy of his book and tapes call (888) 238-3959. e-mail: captbob@verio.com. WebPage: http://www.eatstress.com.