Nesting

In the process of renting and selling property, one thing has become perfectly clear: women are the ones who generally decide on the purchasing or renting of the property. On a walk-through, most guys will breeze through a house, look in the garage to see if there is a garage door opener, and then will be standing back by the front door ready to leave. Yes, guys can nest too; however, it's a whole different scenario for women. As soon as a woman crosses the threshold of the front door, her computer is on and she is starting the process of geometrically placing every piece of furniture she owns in the house. She also scrutinizes the color of everything - drapes, carpets, wallpaper and large appliances. And things had better be spotless or else she grabs hubby and they are gone.

What most men don't understand is that a home or an apartment, whether rented or purchased, is usually an extension of a woman's personality. This is part of nesting. It's normal. I've seen a few men try to shoehorn their wives into accepting a property they didn't like. These men are foolish. Even if they convince their wives to accept the property, they won't stay very long at that location. First, she will be depressed; then she won't have meaningful sex; and eventually the guy will do enough hard time that he will be out looking for another home. This can get to be expensive. The clue here is not to move in anywhere until the wife gives the husband the correct message. An incorrect message is, "I don't know," or "It really isn't clean." The correct message is, "Yes, I love this house. I could move in right now." But even this message is an incomplete statement. The complete statement is, "I could move into this house right now" (now here comes the unheard message) "with and under certain conditions." You see, there is a nesting plan here that could be as simple as moving furniture around, or the eventual complete overhaul of the entire house, including, but not limited to, the carpets, drapes, floors, wall paint, kitchen, cabinets, yards, and especially the master bedroom. "You don't expect me to sleep in that bedroom with that carpet and drapes where another man had sex with another woman, do you?"

Even if you were eventually fortunate to complete the entire house, it would be time to start all over again. And if you are looking to get into a fixer-upper house and you have never done this type of work before, you might want to reconsider. By the time you do all the work and spend all the money to bring the house back up to a presentable condition, you probably could have bought one on the same block already done, and you would have financed the whole package, and not had to spend the months and the money in the process, avoiding the family stress .

It has happened to me just like everyone else. Not long ago we finally replaced the bedroom furniture that I had brought with me when we were married. Our new furniture was not cheap, but it was on sale and we were overdue to replace my early Goodwill decor.

What I didn't know was the rest of the nesting plan. All of a sudden the interior decorator fairy appeared with fabric, carpet samples, wallpaper, and pictures. It became perfectly clear that we couldn't put that nice furniture into the bedroom with that old carpet. And, of course, those drapes that my wife has had to endure for ten years couldn't possibly match the new carpet. Are you with me, friend? The decorator and my wife said they wanted my suggestions and opinions, but when I offered my ideas they looked at me as if I was the dumbest thing that had ever stood up in shoes.

I had no idea how much this was costing until my wife asked me for just the deposit to start the order. The amount took my breath away. You see, I was raised in a poor family and if something was still good, serviceable, and functioning, you didn't need a new one. When I was able to get a breath, I said, "No way! Where's the oxygen?" I shouldn't have said those words because I ended up eating every one of them and more as the new custom-made king size bedspread was needed to match the drapes and the foot stool with the precisely matching fabric that we have never used were added to the list to complete the room. When the room was done, it looked as fine as the nicest places we have stayed in when we travel. It no longer had my personal "stamp" on things. But I didn't complain. I loved it. After all, this is part of nesting. It makes my wife feel better about our bedroom.

I get a chuckle from men moving into a new home, who say, "This is going to be my room." HA! HA! That's what you think. Trust me, there is going to be a hidden plan for that room, a plan that you are not privy to. If you're lucky, you might end up with the garage, but only if you are able to keep it clean.

One morning, months before our oldest son was to leave the nest, I was riding the stationary bike in the family room watching TV. My wife said right out of the blue, "That bike isn't going to stay there." I looked puzzled, because the bike had been there for five and a half years. I said, "What are you talking about?" So, Harriet marched me up to Rob's room to show me exactly where the bike pedestal was to sit. Then she proceeded to explain what color the room would be and what carpet and furniture were going into the room.

A fellow I work with, Mike, was getting married. When his wife-to-be came over to his place where they were going to live, she went right into the kitchen, opened up all the drawers and cabinets, and announced, "How could you function in this kitchen the way it was laid out; and how do you exist on all these white flour, sugar-coated goods?" Mike asked me what he should do. I suggested that if he ever expected to receive a decent meal, that he consider letting his bride take over the kitchen and arrange it the way she wanted it to be. It was part of nesting. It would be okay. Once they got married, they were going to get some new drapes. They had discussed the selection, but when they were there with the saleslady to place the order, instead of vertical drapes, his wife ordered a different kind. Mike said, "We had already decided." I told Mike, "You thought you had decided. You might have decided, but your wife really had not. It's okay, Mike, it's part of nesting."

Now add to this equation a baby. All the rules change because you are now entering serious nesting. If you were the guy who was #1 or #2 occasionally, you'll drop to #5, just below the dog. You would be better off starting with a stick of dynamite in the room where the baby is going to be, because you will end up replacing anything that can be replaced, including carpet, paint, curtains, light fixtures, door handles, and much, much more. And if you make a mistake on the gender, or the wrong shade of blue you might have to do some of the work over.

And once the pride and joy arrives, you'll need to trade in that two seat car you always wanted and waited for, for a vehicle that a baby car-seat can be properly secured in and be able to haul all that stuff that you need to carry just to cover the logistics of getting from one place to another. And then, OH NO, not another baby already. Time for a new place to live. But remember to get the correct message, "I love this house, I could move in NOW (under certain conditions and with certain changes).